This post could come off sounding like I’m on the pity party train, but in my mind I’m making an observation.
It has to do with viewing one’s life and how our inner demons can cloud perception of one another.
Many times, I think people just cannot be happy for other people when their circumstance is different.
The one viewing doesn’t necessarily have to come from a tight budget, low income lifestyle. They too can be rich, with many kids, or be successful. It plainly can be one who doesn’t allow a person to live a life of joy and blessings because they themselves haven’t found what true freedom is, in that a past or experience has given way on how to embrace life in the now.
People can be cruel on how they choose to respond to you. It is one thing for a person who may not know your whole story to react a certain way (to a degree) towards you and then it’s another story when someone who knows your past can’t seem to allow the graces you’ve been given to shine in your life.
There were many times for many years where I was without. Without parents who showed love as husband and wife; parents who no longer knew how to parent; given attention; love; didn’t have family trips; one on one time; encouragement; nurturing; stability; home security; food; safe keeping; prayer; Jesus.
There were many years spent with someone in a relationship who didn’t care for me. Ruined me spiritually. Degraded me. When I no longer knew dignity I then tried to defend it and became more lost because I thought it was love and was feeding me some form of attention.
In my heart, where I came from, where my life is now, it makes perfect sense what I’ve been able to experience in my married life with my best friend. Since I’ve been married, 21 years now, I’ve been seeking Christ in my life. Growing and allowing to dig deeper in my faith. I heard at a conference I attended “obedience brings blessings”. I believe it and often state that to others.
I’m not saying my life is perfect or that I deserve the blessings I have received, but I believe I’ve been graced by them to experience them for a reason.
Never do I lead my life without wanting others to experience the joys I have received. I never boast, but it seems even if I slightly feel joyful about something, I’m not rewarded with a “good for you” or “you deserve it” in the magnitude I give others. I don’t understand it.
It’s been some time when I began battling this subject. But the weight of it has hit me again. The crossroads of applauding everyone else’s joy, but lacking their fervor towards me.
Our Lord tells us to forgive “70 x 7”. I do. Over and over, but how I wish they would see that and that it does hurt when you know they can’t receive you in the same way you do for them.
I shouldn’t have to hold back for anything that gives me joy! I should be able to express it as much as a mother who is overjoyed with their child who takes their first steps, a job promotion, a family dinner, a graduation, a vacation.
My joys are going to be expressed different. My family is my joy. My interests are my joys. My activities are my joys. My faith is my joy. My marriage is my joy.
If it brings you joy, isn’t that enough for anyone to be happy for you?
God help me to not be clouded by any sadness, because you have brought me out of that despair!+++
John 16:22 So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.
3 thoughts on “Joy and pain”
I don’t know what’s inside your head, but can appreciate the candor you show in this post. I am sure it was not easy to write, and even less easy to decide to let it appear when you were finished.
At the risk of seeming sycophantic: good for you! That’s as close to fervor as I’m likely to show. I’m half-Norwegian, which may help explain it. We’re not known for our unbridled public displays of raw emotion. 😉
I’m also nearly half-Irish, which is another topic. No wonder I’m a mess.
Picking up a point from the middle of this post, I don’t know why I’ve been blessed as I have. Not a clue. I’m pretty sure I don’t deserve them, but don’t mind having them.
About understanding others, and being happy for folks who aren’t like me: at all – – – that is a work in progress.
I try, with varying degrees of success. I know that in some cases I have failed miserably in the attempt: either in achieving that state, or in expressing it.
Whether or not that is the case with folks you encounter, I do not know.
My guess, based on none-too-reliable perceptions of my own, is that many have a hard time feeling happy with those who *are* almost exactly like them. But that could be my own bitterness talking.
My metaphorical hat is off to you, for having posted this. For what it’s worth, you’ve started me thinking about this aspect of myself. Thank you.
Thanks for your insight!! Good feedback!! Helpful when anyone can give me a different way to look at things. Glad you received it well!!
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It’s difficult to write down what you wrote down.. Well said. Praying for you.