Around the time of Thanksgiving, I felt a shift surrounding my husband and I. Like the age we are set in, my husband is 52 and I just turned 47, has reached something but I don’t know what. And also like the root of our marriage was set deeper.
I’m trying my best to explain how it felt. And this feeling, the effect it had, is no longer with me. It’s something I just understood happened for me to know enough that it did.
Since that moment on, I’ve had this peace in knowing my husband knows how much I love him and where we are in marriage is clear. Is sort of what this feels like.
I feel like we just truly know each other now. Grateful all these years, God have us good training on communication. We are both open and honest whether relating to each other or to those around us.
At this point in our 22 years, we know each other well. I’m not glossing over it all. I mean we do have our spats about this and that, but it’s less work to get to the core issue and resolve.
Another thing I noticed is all the fuss I would carry towards our families, is no more. Always being overly concerned they know where I stand with them. After all these years, I think they should know. And if they don’t, I can’t carry the weight or burden. That might’ve been something I could’ve accepted sooner but I am where I am.
I guess it’s stability. Not a stability as in we forget where we are in our faith in that all of this is temporary and we still need to grow. But that it’s a gift to recognize and appreciate where we are in life.
I look and love my husband more deeply, if that makes any sense.
It’s also like whatever I do, I do with all my energy and with purpose.
For whatever that was I felt, I’m grateful I experienced it.
I wonder more what this all means and trust in God, He will show me.
2 thoughts on “Shifting Gears”
You’re right about entering a more “perfect” marriage at this point. It does happen. Not “perfect” like unicorns and rainbows. But mature, understanding, “I really get you” kinds of things. God opens that up to you and blesses you because (I think) we begin to sense a higher calling, beyond marriage – back to our Creator. The older I get (I will be 55 this year) the more frequently the kind of “moment” that you describe above has happened to me. Now, they are much more clear and vivid and longer than a moment. When friends I know who are in their 80s and 90s talk about being called home, I used to think: What is that call? But, I hear it now. It is not discontent or sadness per se with being here. But that age-old lesson about passing through this earth on a journey – that we are foreigners in a foreign land, well, when you start to grow very close to God, you start to understand that feeling. Your soul longs to return to God. The saints talk of this very often in their writings. I am guessing that this is the very first inkling of what you are feeling if you are searching with great purpose now for God. That’s how it was for me. It’s wonderful and it’s bittersweet, all at the same time. You feel united to God, and untied to things of earth. You care less about the fuss and focus much more about only the people you truly love, like your hubby. People around you not seeking God won’t understand that, BTW. But I get it. I totally get it. You’re not alone.
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Thanks so much! Exactly! A pull coming from our hearts towards heaven. I know there are many things to be learned but with the wisdom our Lord has given us at this point helps us to tackle things better. Your writing style is so comforting. I enjoy your feedback always!