Strike One, Strike Two, Strike Three

I feel like such failure.

For some reason lately I am greatly battling my attitude. I feel more than ever my response can be negative and unwelcoming. Where I’m pessimistic and say things without a care whether what I’m saying is heard or not. And through it all, signs of impatience are easily given off.

Is it me? Is it hormones? Is it just Lent and because I’m walking through I’m being attacked?

All I know about this, is that I hate it! I hate that there’s that piece of me that I show others that doesn’t show Christ in my life. That I have not asked or done my part to rid myself of it. At least, that’s how it feels. Like I’m not doing enough about it.

I notice when I get high strung, stressed, impatient, this negative side of me appears. It is more so when I think I’m being provoked. But regardless of how it comes, I should not be allowing it to rear its ugly head.

I was told by a priest in the confessional in order to respond to these situations, I should stop and call our Lord in prayer. To pray and not react. But I’m not consistent. A part of me wonders will I ever change? What am I missing?

My heart is heavy right now. Because I’ve been helping others in their own area of lives, with virtue and prayer, yet I demonstrated something to them that was not an example I wanted to convey.

Now that I know damage is done, I’m struggling on how to correct it without placing to much emphasis towards me but letting the other person who I feel received my sin know my remorse. I’ve asked Our Lord for His correction. And even though I’m carrying regret from my actions, I am thankful Jesus showed me my wrong doing.

Thus, the purpose of prayer is perhaps less to obtain what we ask than to Become someone else. We should go further and say that asking something from God transforms us, little by little, into people capable of sometimes doing without what they ask for.  -Father Bernard Bro, o.p.

I want to be free of this but more importantly to gain a stronger charitable spirit, peace, and patience no matter what the situation.

Lord, help me, change me.

4 thoughts on “Strike One, Strike Two, Strike Three”

  1. Stefanie, you are not a failure ! No one is perfect in this world. You are a blessing to me and many others. 😊 Be kind to yourself and know that I am but one person that loves you 🙏 You are in my prayers 😊 Tio Ruben

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    Liked by 1 person

  2. You are so very loved, Stef! I think this is just a tough time for many of us in the church. I know I have felt like I am just trudging along this past week. I went to confession on Saturday, felt a lot better, and committed a sin I had just had reconciled within a few hours after confession! Argh. We are human. We fall down. God picks up back up again and brushes us off and sets us back on the right spiritual path. He does that because He loves us THAT MUCH. Take care of yourself and don’t be discouraged. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Julie!! It’s crazy great that after I wrote this blog so many affirmations came. I know I am not a failure but my actions are/were. It was something I needed to shout out and speak how much I hated this sin. I’m grateful for your input! I know we know God’s mercy in that we keep running to Him. Appreciate it Friend !!

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