holymatrimony – Page 2 – CATHOLIC AND CHOCOLATE

I believe

For almost these past two months, there has been increase in news exposing the darkness in the Catholic Church. It feels like each week, there is more news to prove, it’s worse than what we thought the day before. Personally, I receive the bulk of my news through Twitter. The national news isn’t even reporting in the speed Twitter is feeding it. The news sources I cover are reputable Catholic news agencies, along with Catholic reporters/journalists, theologians, speakers, public figures, etc.

At this point, I feel like where I’m at in information, is a bit numbing. I’m stunned and shocked. But as I pointed out earlier in a previous blog, the aid of reading from St Catherine of Siena’s writings to Catholic bloggers, experts of the faith, have channeled me with direction. Attentiveness to the daily Mass readings, and thanks to God, the rosary for reparation for the Church that began a novena on the Queenship of Mary, have been key to me in clarity.

However, I felt the need to write about some of my feelings on particular responses I’ve read from the ‘faithful’. A part of me is a little apprehensive about sharing my thoughts because I don’t want to come off as one who thinks I have attained all faith and knowledge. I clearly have not! But the other side of me, is well…getting a little fed up with Catholic folk on sharing their voices about their Catholicism.

For example, and I mainly see it on Twitter, are comments shared by celebrities, writers, politicians, etc, who express they have just had it with the Papacy, Cardinals, and just think the whole tie to identifying oneself Catholic is questionable. That the disgust, mistrust, no firing of the Cardinals is quick enough, Pope Francis isn’t stepping down, is all enough to leave the Church.

There are people blurting out all these things to the faithful not ever recognizing their responsibility to them. I’ve written a few responses to them saying, bluntly, stop feeling so victimized and get out there and fight. Fight for those who are victims of priest sex abuse, for those who only have faith because of where/how they live is dire, for the good priests having to push through it all and be everything to everyone right now, for the bad priests who cannot see past “self love” and are not aware to ask for God’s mercy, for the faithful at your parish who are family, for the Catholic Church as a whole who is the Body of Christ. You, me, everyone. We need to be strong!

It blows me away and I have to be careful about this thought, and I know we are all at different stages of our faith, but besides that, those who are vocal about their indecision are not 4th graders. They’re educated. They’re intellectuals. They should recall all those scriptures covered in Mass that they have attended and know what they are supposed to do! All those readings are life and guidance!

I mean, even if you did not have all the knowledge, why wouldn’t you seek answers by what you have been taught and why you are Catholic in the first place?? That’s all I’m saying. The Eucharist is the number one reason. The number one very big reason. How is it that easy to walk away?

In no means, am I perfect at my faith. I do not know everything. I’m a 47 year old woman. I practice and seek each day. But for something as so sacred as our faith in which Jesus entrusted to the Apostles by the Holy Spirit to the Church to be given to us, how can we all sound so flaky about our response when we deal with crises.

Multiple scripture verses come to mind:

Luke 9:23 – Then he said to all, “If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.

Ephesians 6:10-12 – Finally, draw your strength from the Lord and from his mighty power. Put on the armor of God so that you may be able to stand firm against the tactics of the devil. For our struggle is not with flesh and blood but with the principalities, with the powers, with the world rulers of this present darkness, with the evil spirits in the heavens.

1 Peter 5:8-9 – Be sober and vigilant. Your opponent the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion looking for [someone] to devour.^fResist him, steadfast in faith, knowing that your fellow believers throughout the world undergo the same sufferings.

1 Corinthians 12: 27-31 – Now you are Christ’s body, and individually parts of it. Some people God has designated in the church to be, first, apostles; second, prophets; third, teachers; then, mighty deeds; then, gifts of healing, assistance, administration, and varieties of tongues. Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work mighty deeds?Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret?Strive eagerly for the greatest spiritual gifts.

Recite the Nicene Creed. You don’t follow men. You follow Jesus and the Church He gave us! Fight!

I speak LOVE and you?

Let me begin by saying that this issue I’m about to speak of, I have expressed about before and have fumbled over it many times. I’ve also come to know that I am not the only one who has trouble with it. It has to do with “LOVE LANGUAGE”.

Sometime ago, I heard on Jennifer Fulwiler’s radio show, speak about love language on her program. I can’t remember who she was speaking with, but the topic was about being frustrated, down in the dumps about people’s behaviors towards oneself. Where you try to go the extra mile with certain people in your life so that they may revere you in the same way. Where you share yourself with them the same way as you do with everyone else, but these individuals don’t bite. This topic I come to again and find more and more lately, I am not the only one in this black hole.

Coming across others who experience the same thing, I tend to find the same characteristics. Usually, the one who seemingly goes out of their way to engage with others, repeats the same tactics, feels like there is progress, and then find themselves right back where they started. The lasting notion is that it is all very exhausting.

Going back to Jen Fulwiler’s talk, they hit on the answer well. It has to do with people each having different love languages. What might be a way for you in how you engage your love is not the same for someone else. This hit me like a ton of bricks! I’m sure it is something I have heard before, but didn’t pay attention to. However, this time when I reflected on it, it gave me a whole new outlook.

Over and over again, I would find myself being squeezed into these situations. It would feel like I’m running with a basket of love, carrying it here, there, over here, backwards, then running towards a doorway trying to not let it spill so they can receive it fully as I come towards a doorway that turns into a pinhole of their acceptance. Most of the time, feeling like I just went from 20 yards ahead to 10 feet back! Never feeling the love I hoped for returned back in the way I was sending it.

This idea of love language allows me to focus on not tiring myself out in trying to appease, but to give what I normally do, and then let it go. It doesn’t exhaust me and I stop fretting over whether I did something right.

I also would like to touch on something that we heard in Sunday mass a couple of weeks ago and it goes with this scripture:

Cure of a Crippled Beggar. Now Peter and John were going up to the temple area for the three o’clock hour of prayer. And a man crippled from birth was carried and placed at the gate of the temple called “the Beautiful Gate” every day to beg for alms from the people who entered the temple. When he saw Peter and John about to go into the temple, he asked for alms. But Peter looked intently at him, as did John, and said, “Look at us.”He paid attention to them, expecting to receive something from them. Peter said, “I have neither silver nor gold, but what I do have I give you: in the name of Jesus Christ the Nazorean, [rise and] walk.”

Fr. John at our parish spoke about that in our lives of faith sharing…we give what we have whatever form that may be. If it’s our time, we give our time, if we can financially share, then we share, if we are a good baker or a handy person, then we give in those forms. You get the picture. So when I think about how I have a giving a heart, I just do that…give. And with my love for writing or expressing my faith walk, then I do that by writing on this blog. Care for my husband and my mom in best way. Being accessible to family and friends, when they look to me for a listening ear.

We give what we are given. What God has graced us with. It’s not about waiting for the best time to do it because we are measuring what we think is most valued, but instead giving in what we have today!! It’s not about gaining more of the world just so we can float on by in this life, but to share what we know and have. Our love and time are free. Whether faith filled knowledge, church knowledge, love, care giving, helping someone by preparing a meal or driving someone who needs a ride, etc. It doesn’t have to big on a big scale. It doesn’t need much prepping. It doesn’t have to look like someone else’s gifts. We each have it. Our Lord has given it and the more we pass it on, the more grace He will fill us up with to give again.

STOP looking for things not in your basket and START reaching in it and share the gifts that are in it.

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Time

Lately, I’ve been in some kind of mode of embracing the present. It’s not that I have never had these moments before like when at a family gathering, or a trip, or an outing. I have had many that I’m thankful Our Lord push that button in me to recognize so that I can grab onto it. But lately, it seems to be more prevalent.

As I mentioned before, my Mom lives with us. It’s now going on 3 years. However, these last months, she’s been staying with my sister in Tucson. My sister and I both knew this is how it would probably work out with my sister now living in Tucson. It gives Mom the flexibility of having both of our homes to live. Tucson is her hometown and we both want her where she’ll have most peace.

So in this time, Mom not being home with me, I have the time to work on things or be a part of things that I have held off. That’s mainly my issue since I tend to give my attention fully to her when she’s with me. I have not mastered to balance my life and responsibility of her very well.

These days, in whatever it is I’m doing, I find myself stopping to a moment or fixate on what I’m doing more often. It can be anything from a physical ability or the wind hitting my skin. A memory from childhood or a book I’m reading that will make me stop and center on it.

When I recently saw my Mom who I hadn’t seen for three weeks, I just held onto her. Recognizing how I really have missed her. Thanking God to have the time shared.

I’m not sure I fully understand why it’s happening. Part of it, I admit, could be the world news. Random shootings, natural disasters, family suffering…I also think about where my husband and I are in our lives. I’m 46 yrs and he’s 51. The clarity is there that we are letting go of that youthful time and entering the next season. We have lived in our first home for 19 years. And with some recent home projects we have done, I have remembered the memories we have had or our marriage has had living here. Also being aware of some blessed wisdom we have received and awareness of faith in our lives has added to that present moment thought process. In no way am I saying that we are a well oiled machine and got it all right, we are learning each day. But to know and use that basic toolbox of faith and apply it to our lives, means so much at this stage in our lives.

I take this current situation in my life as a gift. I’m sure many of us have it. I’m going to try record about it more. With time passing by fast it seems, I at times get a little anxious because I physically can’t see all I would like. I truly love each one who I know on the most part understand. I can’t get to everyone in the sit down way I would like. Most of the time, I have to compromise how I use my energy. But I can for sure say, I have remembered a life event or given a prayer for each one in present moments each day as I think of them.

I just found this article. I’m sure I’ve learned about this before, but lost its significance. I’m linking it to share so that it may guide you too.

It’s from Catholic News Agency titled ‘Are you missing the gift of the present?’

https://www.catholicnewsagency.com/cw/post.php?id=67

Thank you Lord for giving me this gift I didn’t first recognize as one. Now I will be sure to embrace it even more.

Our Lady of the Rosary – San Diego, California

Our Lady of the Rosary church in Little Italy, San Diego is a must every time we vacation there. First of all, Little Italy is one of my favorite destinations. Yes, because it gives me that Rome I desire everyday in my life.

So on Sunday’s, we attend Mass to begin our beautiful weather day in San Diego.

It’s not a very large parish, but it gives me that old time feel. The architecture, even the way the Priest projects his homily, makes me feel very connected to Our Lord.

The stained glass windows are tall and gives the church much reverence. It’s hard to not keep staring at them. And during mass, while the readings are read, I tend to look up at them and reflect. It all works together.

The pictures I have below are from multiple visits.

We were blessed during one of our visits, to celebrate Corpus Christi. We joined in on the procession after Mass.

There is also a gift shop at the parish where I found my first My Saint My Hero bracelet. Now I have other items of their products and pass onto others as gifts. Look them up!

Their parish community seems to very much treasure what they have. I always love going there.

I had to post this pic here as well. On the same side of the church, other corner, there is an Italian bakery called Pappalecco. Going to mass at Our Lady and then Pappalecco, goes hand in hand.

Everything is delicious.

So when in Little Italy, treat yourself to both. You will never be disappointed.

Joy and pain

This post could come off sounding like I’m on the pity party train, but in my mind I’m making an observation.

It has to do with viewing one’s life and how our inner demons can cloud perception of one another.

Many times, I think people just cannot be happy for other people when their circumstance is different.

The one viewing doesn’t necessarily have to come from a tight budget, low income lifestyle. They too can be rich, with many kids, or be successful. It plainly can be one who doesn’t allow a person to live a life of joy and blessings because they themselves haven’t found what true freedom is, in that a past or experience has given way on how to embrace life in the now.

People can be cruel on how they choose to respond to you. It is one thing for a person who may not know your whole story to react a certain way (to a degree) towards you and then it’s another story when someone who knows your past can’t seem to allow the graces you’ve been given to shine in your life.

There were many times for many years where I was without. Without parents who showed love as husband and wife; parents who no longer knew how to parent; given attention; love; didn’t have family trips; one on one time; encouragement; nurturing; stability; home security; food; safe keeping; prayer; Jesus.

There were many years spent with someone in a relationship who didn’t care for me. Ruined me spiritually. Degraded me. When I no longer knew dignity I then tried to defend it and became more lost because I thought it was love and was feeding me some form of attention.

In my heart, where I came from, where my life is now, it makes perfect sense what I’ve been able to experience in my married life with my best friend. Since I’ve been married, 21 years now, I’ve been seeking Christ in my life. Growing and allowing to dig deeper in my faith. I heard at a conference I attended “obedience brings blessings”. I believe it and often state that to others.

I’m not saying my life is perfect or that I deserve the blessings I have received, but I believe I’ve been graced by them to experience them for a reason.

Never do I lead my life without wanting others to experience the joys I have received. I never boast, but it seems even if I slightly feel joyful about something, I’m not rewarded with a “good for you” or “you deserve it” in the magnitude I give others. I don’t understand it.

It’s been some time when I began battling this subject. But the weight of it has hit me again. The crossroads of applauding everyone else’s joy, but lacking their fervor towards me.

Our Lord tells us to forgive “70 x 7”. I do. Over and over, but how I wish they would see that and that it does hurt when you know they can’t receive you in the same way you do for them.

I shouldn’t have to hold back for anything that gives me joy! I should be able to express it as much as a mother who is overjoyed with their child who takes their first steps, a job promotion, a family dinner, a graduation, a vacation.

My joys are going to be expressed different. My family is my joy. My interests are my joys. My activities are my joys. My faith is my joy. My marriage is my joy.

If it brings you joy, isn’t that enough for anyone to be happy for you?

God help me to not be clouded by any sadness, because you have brought me out of that despair!+++

John 16:22 So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.

San Juan Capistrano Mission – San Juan Capistrano, California

Thanks to my cousin who showed me the Mission.

In my stays in San Clemente, I was blessed to be shown around the other beach towns from family. One spot that I always try to go to to this day is San Juan Capistrano.

Over the years it has changed, but one thing that hasn’t is the Mission and its properties. It’s great because you can pay a small fee and tour the old mission and see how St. Junipero Serra founded this mission. Not only did he find the San Juan Capistrano mission, but also eight other missions throughout California.

The property is gorgeous and once you are within the walls that surround the mission, it feels like you are taken back in time. It is filled with beautiful gardens and sounds of nature.

Outside of the Mission, are eateries and shopping. Strolling about, gives me that sense of Rome.

This is a statue of Junipero Serra in front of the basilica.

Altar

This is a niche with Saint Juan Diego.

Outside, back of basilica, are the ruins of the original mission.

To think this is where the main altar was. You can see it probably included small statues within its wall.

Mass is still celebrated in this chapel. I’m guessing it holds about 50??

The look and feel of this mission is just peaceful. When walking through the gardens, you get the coastal air. I could sit there for hours. There is also a gift shop that carries many beautiful handmade religious items.

San Juan Cap is definitely where I like to go each time I get to Orange County.

Here is more information on the Mission and Basilica.

http://www.missionparish.org/

St. Margaret Mary Alacoque – Tucson, Arizona

My first parish. I was baptized here, made my first holy communion, confirmed, and was also married. It was also my grandmother’s and mother’s parish since it was located in their neighborhood. I remember it feeling very grand walking in. I remember the sights and smells also. Burning candles or incense. Dark reds, blues, golds. […]

My first parish.

I was baptized here, made my first holy communion, confirmed, and was also married.

It was also my grandmother’s and mother’s parish since it was located in their neighborhood.

I remember it feeling very grand walking in. I remember the sights and smells also. Burning candles or incense. Dark reds, blues, golds. Fresh flowers.

As you walked in you faced the altar that had a tall cross hanging from the ceiling upon red velvet centered behind. On either side there were niches with saints and kneelers to which you could go to and pray.

On the top balcony at entrance, this is where the organ pipes would ring out vibrating sounds. Sometimes the sounds would scare me because it always pounded out loud pitches.

I remember clearly the day of my confession. It was not inside the confessional, which I was sort of hoping for. Instead, the priest and I sat face to face in a pew near front. I guess for kids, they felt this to be the better approach than an a dark small room.

I also remember many weddings and baptisms at this parish. My family in Tucson is large, so every year it felt like there was some event to attend there.

This parish also has special significance because it so happens my husband also received all of his sacraments here as well.

Now that I’m moved away and my mom no longer lives in Tucson, I do not attend it much. There are still weddings or special masses given to which from time to time I’m there, but not as a regular Sunday participant.

With new priests and changes over the years, the altar is no longer the same. It saddens me because the original invoked many spiritual thoughts and the new appearance does not provide that for me.

In any case, I try to remember the times as a child I had there and still find it a special place that I hold close to my heart.

This was taken before all the changes were made to the altar. I want to say most here was original to what it was like when first built. Now the altar does not have any of this appearance but instead a wall with a painted cross.

On each side leading to altar are stained glass windows to this day I believe are the original. Also there are two altars aside the main altar. One with St. Therese of Lisieux and I believe St. Joseph.

I’m not sure who provided these art depictions in front of the parish, possibly the city, but this one is right in front. I love the touch it brings the community and the history of this neighborhood church.

Two for Tuesday

Two songs right now in the Christian music hemisphere that get to me. Honestly speaking, I don’t listen to popular Christian music much. I tend to listen to traditional hymns when I want to “go there”. But these two songs really move me. Take a listen!

Audrey Assad – This song and video relates to me so much!!

Audrey Assad – New Every Morning

Travis Greene – This song helps me to be reminded.

Travis Greene – Intentional

Mid Life Crisis Awareness Month

Actually, this might just be on my calendar.

Lately, it seems some of my sisters (not literally, I mean friends) are battling emotional struggles all at the same time.

It feels weighty on my relationship with them and I can see some headed down a damaging road.

With my own life changes, I always try to do my best and stay in touch with my girl friends or my female cousins who I refer all as “Sisters”. My friendships have not always kept up and I know I am part to blame, but I still care for them and if there was ever a chance to meet up, I would do it.

At times, I don’t know if it’s just my life but I don’t have many gal pals. I think it has to do with not having children, not staying in the workforce, or other entities to cause some to dismantle. In any case, I haven’t really worried about it but I noticed some relationships appear to be ending.

I feel some around me are going through emotional changes. Mid life crisis maybe? I don’t know. I don’t know why all of a sudden a shift has occurred in our relationships. Am I focusing too much on my life that maybe these individuals were always this way and I’m barely now taking notice?? I truly care about them and do wish our friendship’s would stay strong.

I try to be patient and let them know I’m here for them. I do my best in understanding all factors to a situation. We don’t always know everything going on in one’s life.

In any case, I realize we all have trials and tribulations. I’ve had times where I’ve felt unaccomplished and know those closest could see it in me. It can be hard to break out of that ‘spell’ of feeling down and depressed. The evil one can certainly make you start believing things that are untrue about yourself and about those around you.

What I have learned in practicing my faith is to ask myself questions. Identifiers. Like whatever it is I’m feeling, is this a thought from God or the evil one? If the feeling is causing me to be down, then it’s not from God. If it is to cause harm on anyone, then it’s not from God. If it’s something that doesn’t keep me on the side of virtue, then it’s not from God. You know what I mean?

Is it okay to do something once and a while that is foot loose and fancy free? Sure. At least I think so. The issue is whether you start believing this is all your life needs. Ways to give you short term, empty joy.

I’ve seen some who end their marriages because they found “true happiness” in other outlets. They start to believe this is what they need and end up ridding their life of important people. Most of the time, it relates to the idea of feeling young again. I’ve seen this false sense cause damage and havoc in many lives.

For myself, my guard against these realms need attention. Don’t take the bait! Combat with prayer! I pray with and over my husband, our home, our life. Asking Jesus to consecrate our marriage! It’s true! You spend less time with Jesus, you leave an door open for weakness to come in.

John 4:10-14

Jesus answered and said to her, “If you knew the gift of God and who is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”
[The woman] said to him, “Sir, you do not even have a bucket and the well is deep; where then can you get this living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us this well and drank from it himself with his children and his flocks?”
Jesus answered and said to her, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again; but whoever drinks the water I shall give will never thirst; the water I shall give will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

Cradle Catholic, not really.

My parents did not share the same faith. My mom received the sacraments in the Catholic church and my Dad was a son of a Free Methodist Pastor. My mom wanted me to have the sacraments too and my Dad supported it.

My Godparents as I grew up were not faith nurturing but despite that I had an abundance of love from them. Our family was not "church going". I can't recall us going to Mass as a family unless it was for a reason like someone getting married. In fact, I don't remember ever praying with my parents or spending time learning what faith was about.

During my time as a child, my maternal grandmother took care of me while my parents were at work. In her humble house she had an altar. It had a pastel painted Virgin Mary and other smaller sized saints made out of plaster which in my Mexican culture are called "Santitos". I remember when it was nap time, she would have me lay in the bed that was right near her altar of Saints. I would often play with them like they were barbie dolls. I wondered who they were and why she had them in a corner in her room that had candles and flowers. I can remember the smell of burning wax from her prayer candles and the reflections of the Saint figures on the walls. I remember feeling all this but I can't recall why she had this in her home and why it was important to her. My grandmother passed away when I was eleven.

For my First Holy Communion, I remember loving the idea that I would be wearing a mini wedding dress including a veil. I remember the excitement about the party that was coming to celebrate it. Oh it was a big party too! Tons of family brought me gifts like rosaries and prayer books. I had a sugared cake with white frosting and a plastic communion girl on top. But soon after the party, all that I was taught in catechism was lost. I had no more nurturing from the teachers nor did what I learn come from my parents.

Around this same time, my Dad's drug addiction started. Our family life became more about drinking. There was no spiritual direction in our home. No compass.

communion

When my only sister got married, I was in 6th grade, I would attend Church with her and her new little family. We went to the neighborhood Church. I remember feeling peace and happy she would always include me.

My high school years were not filled with guidance from my faith. In fact, all that a teenager can do without someone being there to protect or set straight, I did. Drugs, sex, suicidal tendencies, etc. I didn't know my value.

After high school and a bad breakup with a high school boyfriend, I started back up and attended Church with my sister and her family. And even though I had a foot in the door (so to speak) I still was living a sinful life. Doing what most young 20 year olds do – going to clubs, drinking, and being promiscuous. Not grasping what I was hearing in Church or realizing it was to be my life.

In fact outside of going to Church with my sister and her family, not much about Jesus was spoken of. Don't recall family talking much about Him either. If anyone was showing me any path it was my sister, who was receiving some guidance through her in-laws.

However, now looking back I know that those "seeds" that were planted by my mom and sister throughout my young life were there to help me where I am now. I can look back and see the Hand of God despite the child life I was given or the choices I made.

We all have journeys and not everyone takes the same path to finding a relationship to Jesus. This is why I find it important for me to share with others who might have a similar past or are living this now. To make aware how our Father God is truly real, is always by our side, and never gives up on us. Ask, seek, and knock! In the end it's about when you desire Jesus in your life! +++