Two songs right now in the Christian music hemisphere that get to me. Honestly speaking, I don’t listen to popular Christian music much. I tend to listen to traditional hymns when I want to “go there”. But these two songs really move me. Take a listen!
Audrey Assad – This song and video relates to me so much!!
Audrey Assad – New Every Morning
Travis Greene – This song helps me to be reminded.
Since I was about 9 years old, I spent my summer vacations in a simple town known as San Clemente. It has grown much since I was 9. Now it’s a vacation destination, many tourists, and pricy living. I was fortunate to have family who lived there so staying for months was no expense problem for my mom and dad. My aunt and uncle lived minutes away from the beach. I was blessed to experience the ocean air and mild summers. The thing is I didn’t know I was blessed.
I always thought when I got to college age, that I would reside in Orange County and attend USC. That all ended when a 6.2 earthquake happened and my foundation shook. Scared me to the core. But even after the earthquake, I would still go visit my family each summer. I just decided I could not live there anymore.
I always felt so comfortable being there. That had a lot to do with my aunt and cousin who treated me like I was a part of their family. During my junior high years this became even more important to me. My mom and dad divorced and all that I thought was secure was broken. My time there healed me. Going to the beach with my cousin, driving around to quaint little shops, eating ice cream at the parlors. My aunt would also make these wonderful dinners that during one summer, let’s just say I grew. Their home and this beach town were refuge for me. When things were rough in my life, the San Clemente beach and my family helped me.
Fast forward, my bout with CDiff also received recompense from the beach. In 2008, thanks to my dear husband, I spent many months with my San Clemente family trying to find peace. I went there either with my mom or on my own. I had terrible anxiety and fear. I remember waking up at times and feeling the urge to take a drink of alcohol at 9 am. That had never happened to me before. I would also have panic attacks and need to take deep breaths to know I was OK. It was horrible.
So there would be many moments where I would just drive by myself and just sit there at the beach or walk on the pier trying to recover. Crying and pleading and asking the Lord to free me. 
Then this is when I would begin to envision myself alone in the ocean completely immersed and feeling as though the water was Jesus’ mercy. Letting go of all that I was holding onto and just floating in His care. The image would give me comfort and allow me to breathe again.
That is why I believe today I have such a deep love for the ocean. I don’t just view it as water or a place to vacation to but I correlate it to God and how vast and wide His love is for us and how powerful He is over any pain.
Hand over your worry, fear, anxiety to Jesus and in replace ask Him to give you His peace, patience, and trust. Fall into His mercy and relax yourself in His protection. +++ 
Today is Valentine’s day. My husband and I don’t celebrate it. Not because we refuse but because our anniversary is in two days – February 16. I love to shower my Godchildren, nephews, niece on this day and may splurge on some sweets for the evening but that’s about it.
On a broader subject of love on Valentine’s day, I thought I would use this day to speak about a topic that is much on the news these days. The battle with immigration and refugees and how “love” fits into all of this.
How do Catholic Christians/Christians define love?
Being Catholic, of course, I follow many writers, speakers, educators of the faith on this topic. There’s no denying where the Church stands on helping the immigrant/refugee. Basis is emphasizing love.
It just so happens as I’m reading the news, I’ve also been battling my health. And every time I do come down with something, I can’t help to think of those who are suffering and don’t have the luxury of staying home or for that matter have a home like the refugee or the immigrant.
So in this time as I lay in bed or on the couch, I came across this post from Franklin Graham, a prominent voice for the protestant faith, on these subjects. Guess I’m a bit confused on whether his statement speaks for the protestant church as a whole or it’s just his opinion?? Anyway, I read it because I was very much interested on what his powerful position has to say.
I have a problem with this.
I have a problem that he speaks about the Good Samaritan but adds his own statement on how to further deal with those who have been hurt along life’s road. I don’t recall a spot in the bible where Jesus said… “love your neighbor…..but only this much because you have to make sure your house alarm is working properly”; or “help the stranger….but only this much because you don’t want him to turn out to be a terrorist”.
The issue is not that U.S. shouldn’t be careful or cautious. The issue is knowing there is a great need in our world of people who are seeking help and us making it harder for them to live in peace and dignity as we would only want for ourselves. Yes, God doesn’t tell us to expose our cities and homes to hostile people but He also doesn’t say to just stop giving. The careful issue is how we define hostile people because I hate to say it, but today I see many “christians” being hostile to these life issues which should be viewed in the same way as protecting the life of the unborn. Life is life!
So in my heart, when Jesus said:
…I don’t think He had a limit on it. That’s what the whole sermon on the mount tells us and warns us. I think those in powerful positions have to be very careful how they speak. It saddens me that there is much interpretation on what is love and how to love.
It’s almost a week after our President’s inauguration. There has been non stop coverage on his every move which has included executive orders.
I can’t remember past Presidents in their first week implement so much change.
Social media is flooded with people’s opinions. Most I’ve seen are those opposing him being President. I can see popular celebrity news spots helping the cause. In addition, sources who are not legit news sources, spreading fake information.
It’s crazy to me that some can’t tell the difference and so they share and pass on the wrong information.
I’ve been tempted to want to point out or say something but I come to the conclusion they’re just going to believe what they want to. What a mess our news media is in!!
In these times we must be smart! Pay attention to what is happening around us to know how to combat the enemy which is the Deceiver himself. The joy of chaos it’s embracing seeing division and destruction.
I just wish more would search accurate facts of the issues and not just what a popular group wants you to believe. It’s quick to believe and judge.
I find myself watching multiple news sources just to get a balanced opinion. The news is moving so fast!!!
So what about the changes?
I try to keep a level head with friends and family when we don’t meet eye to eye. I want them to see it too that we are not always going to agree but I’m still worthy to have my viewpoint.
It is soul wrenching when you find in your relative or friend an issue you view concluded by your faith and they don’t! For example, they might be pro life but want to stop the flow of refugees. Again, unless you’re attending Mass weekly and feeding your soul, these two issues may look different but in faith we understand they go hand and hand.
I read this quote and thought back at the time of the organization of the Apostles after Jesus ascended into Heaven:
Read Acts of the Apostles. It was a beautiful time. All cared for each other and wanted all to succeed whether it was family, health, financial security. What a world we would have if we followed Christianity the way it was intended to be.
Actually, this might just be on my calendar.
Lately, it seems some of my sisters (not literally, I mean friends) are battling emotional struggles all at the same time.
It feels weighty on my relationship with them and I can see some headed down a damaging road.
With my own life changes, I always try to do my best and stay in touch with my girl friends or my female cousins who I refer all as “Sisters”. My friendships have not always kept up and I know I am part to blame, but I still care for them and if there was ever a chance to meet up, I would do it.
At times, I don’t know if it’s just my life but I don’t have many gal pals. I think it has to do with not having children, not staying in the workforce, or other entities to cause some to dismantle. In any case, I haven’t really worried about it but I noticed some relationships appear to be ending.
I feel some around me are going through emotional changes. Mid life crisis maybe? I don’t know. I don’t know why all of a sudden a shift has occurred in our relationships. Am I focusing too much on my life that maybe these individuals were always this way and I’m barely now taking notice?? I truly care about them and do wish our friendship’s would stay strong.
I try to be patient and let them know I’m here for them. I do my best in understanding all factors to a situation. We don’t always know everything going on in one’s life.
In any case, I realize we all have trials and tribulations. I’ve had times where I’ve felt unaccomplished and know those closest could see it in me. It can be hard to break out of that ‘spell’ of feeling down and depressed. The evil one can certainly make you start believing things that are untrue about yourself and about those around you.
What I have learned in practicing my faith is to ask myself questions. Identifiers. Like whatever it is I’m feeling, is this a thought from God or the evil one? If the feeling is causing me to be down, then it’s not from God. If it is to cause harm on anyone, then it’s not from God. If it’s something that doesn’t keep me on the side of virtue, then it’s not from God. You know what I mean?
Is it okay to do something once and a while that is foot loose and fancy free? Sure. At least I think so. The issue is whether you start believing this is all your life needs. Ways to give you short term, empty joy.
I’ve seen some who end their marriages because they found “true happiness” in other outlets. They start to believe this is what they need and end up ridding their life of important people. Most of the time, it relates to the idea of feeling young again. I’ve seen this false sense cause damage and havoc in many lives.
For myself, my guard against these realms need attention. Don’t take the bait! Combat with prayer! I pray with and over my husband, our home, our life. Asking Jesus to consecrate our marriage! It’s true! You spend less time with Jesus, you leave an door open for weakness to come in.
Jesus answered and said to her, “If you knew the gift of God and who is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”
[The woman] said to him, “Sir, you do not even have a bucket and the well is deep; where then can you get this living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us this well and drank from it himself with his children and his flocks?”
Jesus answered and said to her, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again; but whoever drinks the water I shall give will never thirst; the water I shall give will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
From the time of diagnosis (SLE) through now, my faith has carried me through. I have not always responded in the best way, but I learned much and it has given me a deeper relationship with Jesus.
So much of my life after my lupus diagnosis took different directions that I soon realized my life wasn’t mine but Our Lord’s.
When I was diagnosed, I had been going to Church but I was not yet knowing the whole picture. My husband hadn’t been going and we were married for 4 years at this time.
There were many signs and symptoms I was having that led up to this, but even once learning what it was, I had some denial. I was even more shocked to learn the lupus I was diagnosed (and there are 3 forms), is the terminally ill one.
Even though I thought I would have some time to wrap my head around this new reality, turned out not to be the case for me. My physical pain took over. I was given some heavy duty drugs to cope. I started losing hair and gaining weight because of the prednisone. My stomach was always making me uncomfortable or in pain. I had less energy and started to find myself less outgoing. To top it off, the sun became an enemy and of all places to live, Arizona, was hard to avoid.
At one point after having to call into work sick every week, I remember crying and just wanted things to go back to the way they were. I was home alone, got out of bed, and looked out of our bathroom window just asking God to help me.
My work had become more difficult to do and I took this hard. I had worked myself into a promising career and then had to let it go, at least for a while I thought. So I had to resign.
I wanted to be a part of something so I signed up to go to a bible study and attended a women’s fellowship at our Church. I met some great people and felt very comfortable. Eventually, I went on a retreat with my husband that was life changing for the both of us. My husband’s oldest brother had passed away and his heart too was seeking answers to what was going on with his life and connection to those who were suffering.
For the both of us, we started to take our faith more seriously. I remember having a huge desire to learn more about the faith even during the hard hit news abuses of the Church and the number of people leaving. I felt a clear distinction that my faith was real and could not be broken. There was too much I didn’t know about it to leave it and the atrocity, the evil, that wanted to ruin it wasn’t going to include me as a collaborator to break its foundation. As it’s said in Mass, “Look not on our sins, but on the faith of your Church”.
Sure enough to this day, I find myself defending Church teaching to untruths. Getting stronger cleared my eyes to see I am a part in the Body of Christ.
My fervor grew and I tried things I didn’t think I would do like public speaking, host bible studies at our home, and volunteer.
When my Dad got diagnosed with stage 4 sarcoma, I felt as though I had been prepared. It gave me new insight to suffering as I saw my Dad go through it. 
He too found Jesus after he spent most of his adult life to drug and alcohol addiction. He became a born again Christian and restarted his life. So when we got news of his cancer, our family life was about helping him. My Dad passed away 6 months later.
A few months after, my husband and I were blessed to go on a pilgrimage to Rome. The timing was perfect! It swept us off our feet! All the rich Church history, meeting other Catholics who were in different points in their journey, and answers to areas of the Church we thought we knew. This experience placed love in our hearts and protection for our faith to not just see our faith as a building and good advise but living, breathing, as clear as Christ is the Church! Can’t separate.
There was a conversation I had with a friend close to this time. She asked me if I was angry at God for allowing my lupus to be. It hit me and said to her it was a blessing. From it, my life has forever changed in my deeper faith to Him and continues too. Thanks be to God! +++
“What is born of flesh is flesh and what is born of spirit is spirit. Do not be amazed that I told you, ‘You must be born from above.’ The wind blows where it wills, and you can hear the sound it makes, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes; so it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.” – John 3:6-8
My parents did not share the same faith. My mom received the sacraments in the Catholic church and my Dad was a son of a Free Methodist Pastor. My mom wanted me to have the sacraments too and my Dad supported it.
My Godparents as I grew up were not faith nurturing but despite that I had an abundance of love from them. Our family was not "church going". I can't recall us going to Mass as a family unless it was for a reason like someone getting married. In fact, I don't remember ever praying with my parents or spending time learning what faith was about.
During my time as a child, my maternal grandmother took care of me while my parents were at work. In her humble house she had an altar. It had a pastel painted Virgin Mary and other smaller sized saints made out of plaster which in my Mexican culture are called "Santitos". I remember when it was nap time, she would have me lay in the bed that was right near her altar of Saints. I would often play with them like they were barbie dolls. I wondered who they were and why she had them in a corner in her room that had candles and flowers. I can remember the smell of burning wax from her prayer candles and the reflections of the Saint figures on the walls. I remember feeling all this but I can't recall why she had this in her home and why it was important to her. My grandmother passed away when I was eleven.
For my First Holy Communion, I remember loving the idea that I would be wearing a mini wedding dress including a veil. I remember the excitement about the party that was coming to celebrate it. Oh it was a big party too! Tons of family brought me gifts like rosaries and prayer books. I had a sugared cake with white frosting and a plastic communion girl on top. But soon after the party, all that I was taught in catechism was lost. I had no more nurturing from the teachers nor did what I learn come from my parents.
Around this same time, my Dad's drug addiction started. Our family life became more about drinking. There was no spiritual direction in our home. No compass.
When my only sister got married, I was in 6th grade, I would attend Church with her and her new little family. We went to the neighborhood Church. I remember feeling peace and happy she would always include me.
My high school years were not filled with guidance from my faith. In fact, all that a teenager can do without someone being there to protect or set straight, I did. Drugs, sex, suicidal tendencies, etc. I didn't know my value.
After high school and a bad breakup with a high school boyfriend, I started back up and attended Church with my sister and her family. And even though I had a foot in the door (so to speak) I still was living a sinful life. Doing what most young 20 year olds do – going to clubs, drinking, and being promiscuous. Not grasping what I was hearing in Church or realizing it was to be my life.
In fact outside of going to Church with my sister and her family, not much about Jesus was spoken of. Don't recall family talking much about Him either. If anyone was showing me any path it was my sister, who was receiving some guidance through her in-laws.
However, now looking back I know that those "seeds" that were planted by my mom and sister throughout my young life were there to help me where I am now. I can look back and see the Hand of God despite the child life I was given or the choices I made.
We all have journeys and not everyone takes the same path to finding a relationship to Jesus. This is why I find it important for me to share with others who might have a similar past or are living this now. To make aware how our Father God is truly real, is always by our side, and never gives up on us. Ask, seek, and knock! In the end it's about when you desire Jesus in your life! +++
Here I am Lord, help me to find purpose in this life!
Have you ever prayed and prayed and are so willing for it but don’t know what it is? Yes, that’s me.
After being employed with a great company from the start of my marriage until having to quit due to my lupus (2003), I have always tried to keep busy in some way. So after receiving the desire to learn more about my Catholic faith, helped me become aware of the needs of the Church. So I sought out volunteer work.
I remember I started with prison pen pals. A ministry where you were given names, age, of women to whom you could write to for spiritual guidance. I took this very seriously and really wanted to make the young women know I was praying for them. I also had volunteered for a ministry where I would send aid and letters to a young girl in Pakistan. I would receive pictures of her as years would go by and letters letting me know how she was doing.
At our Church, they had an ad in the bulletin about a need for crisis pregnancy center volunteers to help young women receive pregnancy tests and guidance to choose life for their unborn child. I signed up! I knew right away this is what I wanted to do. I loved it and truly felt the Holy Spirit. I volunteered at Crisis Pregnancy for a few years.
I then volunteered at a food pantry called Paz de Cristo. I loved the service they provided and volunteered part-time but then later took on a paid part-time position. I was there two years assisting in all areas food stock, data entry, odds and ends. At this time, I felt my health was getting a bit better where I could gauge how I would feel, so felt the courage to apply at the Diocese of Phoenix. I applied in the Human Resources department and God once again allowed me the desires of my heart. I was working full-time and felt like I was back on track in the workforce. I was doing well but knew I wanted to be closer to the faith and it’s education. That’s when I was offered a position in Family Catechesis. This position paid less but the rewards were there! I loved the group of people I worked with and learned so much about the faith. I was happy going to work and never complained what it asked of me.![IMG_9384[1]](https://catholicandchocolate.files.wordpress.com/2016/08/img_93841.jpg?w=840)
At this time it was 2008. Once again, all of it changed. I caught C-Diff. A bacterial infection that cleans out your intestines of good bacteria and because of my lupus did so in quick fashion. My system antibodies do not know how to fight and so they attack the good causing my system to shut down. I was hospitalized for five days. Hospital doctor told my husband I could have died. I was given a strong antibiotic that to this day I pray I never have to take again because I am educated now on what I can do if needed. Even though I had a supportive boss, the setup for me to work from home or have any flexibility to hold onto my position was becoming a problem. I then quit and turned my attention to bettering my health. For two years after the infection, I was still dealing with physical and emotional effects. I was told by a friend who is a psychologist that I had PTSD – post traumatic stress disorder. I had many restless and anxious nights. The fear of what it did to me caused my faith to grow in a new way – once again.
Back to vocation, since I no longer worked a desk job or received a check from an employer I have found ways to participate in this world with skills I have learned. So after a career in human resources and different work within the Diocese (administrative clerk work), I used some of the talent I gained and opened up a print design business from my home.
I received small jobs from time to time assisting in invitations, programs, business cards, flyers, posters, procedural manuals, etc. Most of the work I did came from organizations within the Diocese – ministries, conferences, pro-life groups, youth education. It allowed me to do the work from any place at any time. Even with that flexibility, Our Lord always knew when I could take on work. Great thing is that when life challenges came, I wouldn’t have any work and then when life had time to focus on something, I would get work. It “worked” like that for three years. It was great!!
But after a go at running this small business for these few years and I no longer had the passion for it, I knew it had reached its end.
Not that I no longer help out others like the Diocese, friends and/or family with print needs. From time to time they come in and I’m just grateful to help. However, because I didn’t find myself being aggressive enough and/or life events would take precedence, I decided it’s run was over. I was happy in what I did produce but knew it was time for change.
I went through prayer asking the Lord to put in me something new. So on one night I was watching TV and found a program speaking about atrocities done to the elderly in adult assisted living homes, a desire started to brew in my heart.
I knew I did not have the education or experience to become a caretaker but wasn’t sure that was where I wanted to be. Then one day I saw a need for prayer aides for hospice facilities. I knew this was it. I took the training and began this volunteer need. Right away I was taken by the reality of speaking to someone who was near death. Literally meeting them and then knowing next time I would come back to the hospice they would no longer be alive. I’ll never forget the faces I looked at or the small conversations I had. I always prayed before I entered the building and prayed when I found them sleeping. And I would always leave with more strength in my faith then when I arrived.
At this time, this is now on hold. After my Mom moving in and the many doctor appointments we had to go to, I could no longer be responsible for my shift. So I had to put it on hold. I don’t know if I’ll be back at it again but I know for sure it had purpose!
I’m now praying for the vocation I am now in with my Mom. People have told me that’s why I was sent for training for the hospice, because of my Mom. I believe that and I’m still praying for His will to be done knowing … there is something else coming.
Why I share all of this is because none of these positions I held or volunteer work I did would have ever been on my radar if it wasn’t for my deeper conversion. Once I asked Jesus into my life, he took me to places where I could help and receive spiritual growth! Benefiting both the places where I helped and in turn helped me. We all have gifts and if you open your heart to the Holy Spirit, He will lead you. How I learned that lesson from the gospel and from Saint teachings!
Lord Jesus, may Your will be done!+++
Just trying to figure out this thing called life
Over 50...asking, seeking, knocking
Finding Faith in the Field.
Interpreting the Bible with modern applications and experiences.
Consecrated life in the Diocese of Phoenix
food for thought, thoughts about food, etc
Sigh...
The Bible makes more sense to me now that I'm Catholic
CATHOLIC AND CHOCOLATE 