vatican – Page 2 – CATHOLIC AND CHOCOLATE

Who am I?

A while back I wrote a post that I very much wanted to get off my chest. However, because I was rushing and not paying attention, I deleted it by accident. I still had the subject line “Who am I?” But since then, this post content has changed.

It also has been a while since I’ve written. Lately, my mind has been busy and I just can’t get myself to settle to write.

Whether it’s making sure home life is right and somewhat in order for my Husband and my Mom or tending to opportunities I want to be a part of. For example, I want to do this formation or that formation, listen to this podcast, or read this book. But also, because my mind has been overloaded with news.

For whatever reason, I’ve been home alone these past two days to just “think”. I used to have this quite a bit before my mom moved in with us. I now appreciate it so much more, but I wouldn’t give up taking care of my mom to have it all again. These opportunities that come from time to time are embraced.

So what is it? Why do I feel a bit anxious, a bit emotionally weak? Pretty sure I am not the only one. Social media has so many thoughts about the current world. Sometimes you see one breaking down in tears and another is baking a cake.

But, with the news continually showing what is happening in one country recovering from natural disaster – hurricanes, floods, earthquakes, there is also added threat to this all from a dictator who is pushing his agenda to cause more suffering.

I don’t work, so I don’t have an 8 hour part of my day where I could invest my thoughts into something. So these last two days, I have been praying while doing whatever needs to be taken care of. Praying for those who died, who are waiting to be rescued, who are suffering, grieving, worrying, fearing.

It’s so strange the paradox that is going on. Here in Arizona, these days have been beautiful. Such ease – being able to drink my morning coffee in comfort. Grocery shop with many options. Take a shower. Lay comfortably in my bed at night. Read a book. It feels both guilty and very grateful at the same time.

How are we to keep joy when so much around seems grim?

You know what came to mind? I think of Saint Paul singing in prison.

ACTS 16:17-25

She began to follow Paul and us, shouting, “These people are slaves of the Most High God, who proclaim to you a way of salvation.”She did this for many days. Paul became annoyed, turned, and said to the spirit, “I command you in the name of Jesus Christ to come out of her.” Then it came out at that moment.

When her owners saw that their hope of profit was gone, they seized Paul and Silas and dragged them to the public square before the local authorities. They brought them before the magistrates and said, “These people are Jews and are disturbing our city and are advocating customs that are not lawful for us Romans to adopt or practice.” The crowd joined in the attack on them, and the magistrates had them stripped and ordered them to be beaten with rods. After inflicting many blows on them, they threw them into prison and instructed the jailer to guard them securely. When he received these instructions, he put them in the innermost cell and secured their feet to a stake.

Deliverance from Prison. About midnight, while Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God as the prisoners listened…

This passage always blows my mind. Paul didn’t fear what was about to happen to him. He continued to stand up for belief in Jesus and even after they tortured him, he still carried on giving thanks and glorifying God. Making sure all around him witnessed his true example.

Who am I these days? It’s been somewhat challenging with family and friends around me these past weeks, where I suited up the Armor of God to help them in their weaknesses even though I too have felt challenged. Reminding them to pray, not to lose hope, keep reading the scriptures, get to Church.

Who do you say that I AM?  Simon Peter said in reply, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”

Whether time is near for Jesus to return, whether there will be much more suffering ahead, I hope our faith becomes stronger and love pours out from our souls. To know Jesus has conquered the world. To continue living each day directing our lives to Him.

Lord God, I want only for the appearance of my face and the depth of my soul to show your presence in my life. Make me an instrument of your peace and use me for your will during these trying days and for what’s ahead so that you find us ready. +++

Rome…veramente!

For the past couple of years, I’ve been bugging my husband about returning to Rome for a vacation. However, lately, it’s really been aching me.

Thankfully, we have been to Italy twice – 2006 and 2008. Both experiences helped us to see a little bit more of Italy. Stops in Venice, Orvieto, Assisi, San Gimignano, Pisa, Siena, Chianti, Florence, Castel Gandolfo, and of course, Rome.

Since I was little, I have had a love for all things Italian. My favorite food has always been Italian and to clarify I’m American-Mexican. My family still to this day likes to joke with me on how this makes no sense. I can’t deny what it is I have passion for. How do you fake it?

When we traveled to Rome in 2006 for a pilgrimage, everything catapult to whole new level of love. I felt a strong connection to the culture, food, art, and spirit. Needless to say, my Catholic faith grew because it was visibly all around. Not like back home!

When we went back to Italy in 2008, I went with deeper appreciation, although I was still recovering from CDiff, so I couldn’t fully embrace due to stomach issues.

It’s now been 9 years and lately, I feel like I have some restlessness these days about traveling back.

As we know, the political times are not good. Talks of war between the U.S. and North Korea are heightened everyday. My husband feels now isn’t the time to go and when I share about that with others, some say, is it ever the right time?

It makes me sad. How beautiful and diverse our world is created by our Father God to seek and learn from. To grow with our neighbor, to share in prosperity of brotherhood, and to reap joy in our differences. But yet, North Korea has a different outlook and now all the world waits to see what will happen next. I know I’m not the only one who is praying for this threat to end.

But aside from this, my love for Italy is going a bit bonkers these days. I live in an area where there isn’t much culture. There isn’t much variety. For whatever reason, it just isn’t here. I would love more self owned bakeries, coffee shops, restaurants that serve more than bar food, gelato shops instead of yogurt (please I’m so done with yogurt spots around here), and entertainment spots. I try not to get me down, but when you want your heart to be filled with something, 2nd place doesn’t fill the void.

I always say, “if I ever win the lottery”… I would open up a bakery that provides international treats and best Italian coffee. Name I won’t share. However, I would make sure to hire the appropriate pastry chef who can bake pastries from all over the world.

Question: What do you do when your heart yearns so much for something, but can’t be fulfilled?

I think I need to start praying to our Lord more intently and asking Him to replace this because it’s a bit consuming sometimes.

Until we can get to Rome, I’ll continue listening to my favorite Italian Radio http://studiodelta.radio.it/ , buy cappuccinos pretending they taste like Rome, dine at Italian restaurants who somewhat serve like Italy, view images off of Instagram, and try new recipes.

Viva Roma!

This song is by Mario Venuti – Veramente

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How the great pearl and Lit found me

I just finished ‘Lit’ by Mary Karr. I had been pin surfing Pinterest searching for books to read and came across this suggestion. The summary made me interested. Two things stood out, addiction and God.

When I choose a book, it depends on timing in my life. Books centered on food such as aspiring chefs, chef stories, restaurant owners, and as a bonus most books contain recipes always amuse me. Of course, I like to read about the faith, but haven’t tapped into one lately where a story is told on how faith became real in their life. And I underline bold face REAL. Memoir faith based books I have read are well, too vanilla.

Another book along the lines of ‘Lit’ titled, ‘Drunks and Monks’ by John Carmichael, gave me something some faith books just don’t. And that’s concrete, hard core (at times) experiences detailed and how each segment of their life shaped them into the strong faith they have now. Not just information on if you are experiencing a struggle, pray to God or learn these exercises and you’ll find peace. But down right, gritty stories that make me grab onto the faith in a deeper way. I get it because in my journey, I can relate.

So, back to ‘Lit’. ‘Lit’ is a memoir written by Mary Karr. Tells her struggles as an adolescent, her parents who are dealing with their selfishness, her addiction, marriage, birth of son, experiences of becoming a writer, and finding Jesus. All this in language that engaged me into a rich, twisted, swirl of captivating literature.

As I began writing for this blog, I noticed that many female, Catholic blog writers carry a certain tone. I know it works for many, but for me, it wasn’t calling my attention. I don’t know if it has to do with age so much as it has to do with upbringing.

I feel as though there are many Catholic women who are being left out of this sphere of unity/belonging. Some may feel they need to shy away from their past in order to get on board. It’s not that the messages these certain point blogs cannot be applied in anyone’s life, it’s the content of the person’s life, to me, is what helps to relate to it. So many different paths go untouched.

Karr shares deep struggles with addiction, not up to par with other students, parents, coworkers. She talks about seeking God and allowing the first step towards prayer which is a few words mentioning God. All this develops into daily exercises and references her prayer life, baptism, and the Catholic Church.

Her writing takes you on a journey of sights, smells, and feelings. It made me think of my own childhood. Many points in the book, I would stop and recall a memory which either brought me joy or pain. There were moments I had forgotten.

What’s even more crazy is the timing of when I finished this book. On Sunday, July 30th mass reading, the gospel was about:

Matthew 13:44-52

Jesus said to his disciples:
"The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure buried in a field, which a person finds and hides again, and out of joy goes and sells all that he has and buys that field. 
Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant searching for fine pearls. When he finds a pearl of great price, he goes and sells all that he has and buys it. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a net thrown into the sea, which collects fish of every kind. 
When it is full they haul it ashore and sit down to put what is good into buckets. What is bad they throw away. 
Thus it will be at the end of the age. The angels will go out and separate the wicked from the righteous and throw them into the fiery furnace, where there will be wailing and grinding of teeth. 
"Do you understand all these things?" 
They answered, "Yes." 
And he replied, "Then every scribe who has been instructed in the kingdom of heaven is like the head of a household who brings from his storeroom both the new and the old."

It’s about truly letting go of one self’s bonds, walls, crutches, addiction, sadness, brokenness, pain, unfulfilled, struggles, unaccomplished.

It’s everywhere I think I am in my life. It made me realize due to some things going in my life right now, how much I still have not let go from my childhood. Karr’s book resonated with me in my own life with similar experiences. Being diagnosed with Lupus gave me the push to learning about my faith, walk with Christ, but over the years til now, it kind of stalled. Life became what it did and I lost a bit of listening. When you running the daily rat race, you don’t! You don’t realize how much more needs to be pulled out of you so that our Lord can rework you. My upbringing and the loss of nurturing a child needs can still rear up its ugly head as an adult.

By working on this with Our Lord, helps me to open up to the next stage in my life. Where does He have me going next?

I hope and pray this is the beginning of that to whomever is reading this post. I’m ready to let go!

May our Dear Lord grant you the awareness you need to see what other areas of your life you need to give up for the pearl of great price to buy that life only Christ can give. Keep praying you want Jesus to take areas of you life still holding you down. +++

Poem X

In this time
I find I
Though numbing as flight in the air
My mind goes
My body foes
God is always near
No drug I took
Just the humdrum of this thing
That comes over me
Stalled like someone who has tripped
Pulling, crawling
Coming to
‘Til a song breaks through
My dependence is new

Our Lady of the Rosary – San Diego, California

Our Lady of the Rosary church in Little Italy, San Diego is a must every time we vacation there. First of all, Little Italy is one of my favorite destinations. Yes, because it gives me that Rome I desire everyday in my life.

So on Sunday’s, we attend Mass to begin our beautiful weather day in San Diego.

It’s not a very large parish, but it gives me that old time feel. The architecture, even the way the Priest projects his homily, makes me feel very connected to Our Lord.

The stained glass windows are tall and gives the church much reverence. It’s hard to not keep staring at them. And during mass, while the readings are read, I tend to look up at them and reflect. It all works together.

The pictures I have below are from multiple visits.

We were blessed during one of our visits, to celebrate Corpus Christi. We joined in on the procession after Mass.

There is also a gift shop at the parish where I found my first My Saint My Hero bracelet. Now I have other items of their products and pass onto others as gifts. Look them up!

Their parish community seems to very much treasure what they have. I always love going there.

I had to post this pic here as well. On the same side of the church, other corner, there is an Italian bakery called Pappalecco. Going to mass at Our Lady and then Pappalecco, goes hand in hand.

Everything is delicious.

So when in Little Italy, treat yourself to both. You will never be disappointed.

Our Lady Queen of Angels – Newport Beach, California

My husband and I like to visit Orange County California often when we can. We enjoy the beach weather and relaxation the ocean provides.

Of course when we are visiting, during a weekend getaway, we attend Mass.

Here are pics of Our Lady Queen of Angels.

This is an affluent area. When I first arrived I was blown away by the marble touches. The wooden planked ceiling and arch is exquisite. With a sun roof right above the main altar. Even on days where the marine layer is thick, this still brings in bright light. Great effect!!

The choir made me feel as though I had bought tickets to an opera. Their vocals were heart touching.

Overall, every time we visit this parish, the pews are always full. Always happy to visit this lovely church when were in town. If you are ever in Newport Beach, come see it.

Sacré-Cœur – Paris, France

My cousin is currently touring Paris and her experiences she’s been sharing, made me think of our time there.

Before going to Paris, I of course, checked off the places I wanted to visit. My husband only had one desire and that was the Latin District because of their food. We for sure went there…twice!

On the day we visited Galleries Lafayette, we headed out of this magnificent shopping center to find a place to eat. We walked, walked, slow walked, fumbled, and began finding ourselves frustrated. From leaving the Galleries, we thought for sure we would run into a nice bistro, but for some reason we kept making turns into more buildings that didn’t provide any food or drink. We were lost!!!

So as my husband said “let’s just go down this way and if we don’t find anything, we’ll find a cab and go back to an area we know”. Fine. I agreed as I was dizzy and hungry.

So we walked and found some passers-by. Shops started to appear here and there. Next thing we see, is a cafe. Meats and cheeses. Breads. Olives. Jams. And of course, wine!! We had no idea that we were now in Montmarte.

We felt like we died and gone to heaven. Right away, the waiter provides us a table facing outward to the street. Sets us up and gives us full attention. The bites were delicious!!! My husband and I couldn’t believe how delighted and joyful we were at what we stumbled upon. And while we were almost done, I remember peeking out towards the right and looking up in between some high trees and noticed a steeple. I couldn’t believe what my eyes were showing me. So I focused again. Then I asked the waiter, “is that Sacre-Coeur?????” He said, “Yes!”

I jumped out of my seat and told my husband, we got to go! It’s not that far and we are already so close. We can’t let go of this opportunity. Good thing the food refueled us. We were now on our way to this historic church that I only read about and had marked down on my planner to see, but due to time and it appearing that it was not going to be in our radius to visit, I had scratched it off and figured, we wouldn’t see it.

We arrived in about 10 minutes.

It was everything I thought it would be. We stood there at the bottom of the steps and admired it. My husband was ready to move on and I said…”we have to go inside.” He said, “the only way in is by these steps.” I said, “let’s go!” To reach top, it took 270 steps. The views were amazing. There were many visitors around just enjoying this spot. You could see the city clearly on this late afternoon.

We get to the line where people are forming to go inside the church. And as we get closer, there’s a big sign stating “NO CAMERAS, NO VIDEO, NO PICTURES PLEASE!” I wish I could’ve taken pictures inside. Even now, it’s hard for me to remember what I saw and wished I would’ve written it down. But I do recall it’s design and thinking it didn’t look like most cathedrals from that time. The altars made me wonder who had come to pray at them. The main altar glistened in gold. The candles flickered in every direction. The respect inside was evident. You were in a sacred space. My husband and I prayed and thanked God for bringing us here.

How is it that we ended up in this spot? All the wrong ways we thought we were taking and yet they were not. The recognition was fully there that Our Gracious God had led us to Sacre-Coeur. To experience not only this basilica, but to embrace its name as well. This basilica is dedicated to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. What it is, what it stands for, speaks to our visit there more than just taking in its views. But from what my husband and I experienced in our time of marriage, what I experienced in my 40 years of life (trip was a birthday and anniversary celebration) was hallmarked in this adventure.

How I ask in my prayers that our marriage be consecrated in His Most Sacred Heart.

Thank you Jesus for the glories, the graces, the adventures you have given us to not only experience for travel sake, but for the soul and our relationship to You in them all. +++

Splinter, Beam, Plank! Ouch!

Why is it people will point out what you did wrong with them, but they never take notice they’ve also did the same thing to you or maybe sinned against you as well?

Matthew 7:3 Why do you notice the splinter in your brother’s eye, but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own eye?

Lately, I’ve been noticing much with the finger pointing, but their finger never is twisted to turn back to themselves.

It feels like many are quick to blame or show others one is wrong in life. For some, it’s been going on for years and still no noticeable self- reflection.

A flood of thoughts come to me on this because so much of the resolve of these mind battles are answered by Jesus. Instead of letting go of bondage to their thoughts on someone or something, they let it relish in their souls to the point where they become hardened like a chunk of cement added to their hearts.

Prayer
Self examination of conscience
Humility
Repentance
Reconciliation

Picture to me is profound. The outside cactus landscape depicts our sin. Thorns and dry brush. The chapel signifies to me Christ and His shelter.

All of these we are taught in our Catholic faith from our Lord Jesus. In his teaching to the apostles, from their teachings to the faithful and on.

I always try to review myself and see how I’ve fallen short. To begin with, there is no way I’m perfect, so before I start on with anyone else, I should fix me first. Don’t you think that is most of our problems? We don’t see our own sin?

One thing that is clear to me in my faith walk is if I have peace, then I have achieved some spiritual merit to a situation. That’s the ultimate result. If you’ve done the steps above and still have no peace, then there is something greater to be looked at, I believe.

Instead of adding another layer of blame to someone or something, wouldn’t it be more beneficial to let down our barriers to what forgiveness is all about. It’s not just waiting for the other person to come forward, but it also about us moving closer to Christ.

May Christ’s peace and unity rule our hearts! +++

Down the Lenten homestretch!

Holy Week… how you all doing?

Our lenten challenges, sacrifices, and goals come to an end or continue past Easter???

I don’t know about you, but outside of the physical, my spiritual sacrifice has been difficult to conquer!

I notice that the challenge depends who I’m with. There are those that don’t put me in a spot to gossip and then there are those that provoke it. Yet either way, I’m the only one accountable.

There’s also that fine line. The white lie that tells you…”it’s ok, you’re not doing any harm speaking these things.”

I even find myself tip toeing around it. Like “oh as long as I don’t go there I’m ok and still will be able to get my point across.”

There’s also the hit over the head later reaction. Out of nowhere, it comes to you on something said that I immediately feel regret and ask the Lord to forgive me.

So with this Lent drawing to an end, are you feeling triumphant or defeated?

I guess I feel neither. I’m better at being mindful but I’m nowhere perfect!

I have to do better in offering my day to Lord along with prayer and daily readings. The more I involve our Lord into my day, the better off I am. In being shielded from speaking things I need to shut my mouth about.

There is a quote from I don’t know who said it but it’s relative to the 8th commandment “You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor”. It says your words about another should be encouraging and not destructive.

Gossip is so easy to do. Hard for me to not say something when I’m angry with someone in how they’re treating others and I feel like I need to vent it out! It’s like a false remedy. If I say something I’ll feel better. Instead what you’re doing is adding to the darkness that already exists! Gossip can cause others to fall into the trap and sin too.

So on this Monday of Holy Week, I hope and pray that the goodness you gained in this Lent continues to grow strong. That any amount of virtue gained, points to Jesus. May your Easter be blessed and rich in His presence. And don’t forget HIS MERCY ENDURES FOREVER!+++

National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception – Washington, D.C.

My family and I were blessed to visit Washington, D.C. several times. Due to an event that honored my Dad’s rehabilitation story. During these trips we were able to see a couple of their parishes.

This one is the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception.

The exterior is grand. I think this is the first basilica I’ve been to in the States where it reminded me of cathedrals in Europe.

They had just completed a renovation. This ceiling was redone in mosaic tiles.

This is a pieta located in their crypt of former bishops I believe.

This chapel is located on the same floor of the crypt. I was able to attend Mass here with my family. Just beautiful. I actually loved this design more than the main floor.

During our walks in D.C., my sister and I found this parish. It was during an off time/week day but always happy when the front doors are open.

From the outside which seemed dark was nothing compared to the inside. Was delighted to see the stained glass and organ pipes.

Time in D.C. is always fun. To find old parishes like this one along walks to dinner or ice cream are always my favorite finds.