Today’s scripture readings, specifically:
I am writing this, my children, to stop your sinning; but if anyone should sin, we have our advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ, who is just; he is the sacrifice that takes our sins away, and not only ours, but the whole world’s. We can be sure that we know God only by keeping his commandments. Anyone who says, “I know him”, and does not keep his commandments, is a liar, refusing to admit the truth. But when anyone does obey what he has said, God’s love comes to perfection in him. – 1 John 2:1-5
Fr. John’s homily emphasized how we are called to be witnesses of Christ and should always demonstrate this in our lives, speech, home, dress, relationships, work, etc.
While I was getting ready for Mass this morning, I had much heaviness on my heart. I had been recounting my actions from earlier in the week and felt remorseful/beat down. Angry with myself that I didn’t witness recently in the way I should have to people I truly care about. It was eating me up because I was looking for opportunities prior to spending time with these women and I let them go.
When this scripture passage was read today, it struck me and caught me in tears. Because it tells me that I compromised myself, fell in temptation, gossiped, and lost my union with God. It tells me I did not stay in God’s goodness so that a witness would be seen from me instead of my flesh.
I was wrestling in Mass with the thought that I thought I was more rooted in my faith and the other hand grateful this lesson has given me a knock down.
This last occurrence was nothing new. I often find myself in these situations where others judge me because I don’t carry on with them or joke or share sarcasm and so I act by chipping in other ways into the conversation which is just plain wrong. I need to be stronger than this and stay rooted.
I also know straight up it’s wrong to talk about others, but I get confused when I’m sharing about someone whose done something to me and so I speak about it which ends up being a witch hunt fest about the person, which isn’t what I intended it to be.
These are opportunities to witness that I don’t take when they have come. And I know better every time when they happen. It’s not to say that I’m batting zero, it’s just that when I commit the offense it feels like the biggest failure.
Have you wrestled with the same repeated offense? Do you have a similar situation where you are not showing strength?
Some may say “you’re coming down hard on yourself,”, “God is merciful!”
Yes, He is, but I’m thankful for the examination and contrition. To look at it and spend time reviewing what is wrong with it. And finally, not being weak because I feel it’s just easier to join in instead of saying NO.
I’m not perfect! I don’t pretend my life with Christ hits all the right buttons. I’m surrounded by different women who live their faith in multiple ways. We are not all like minded. The majority of women in my life are divorced or have never been married. In my opinion, I say it is easier to carry on with other women who don’t have bitter life struggles. In a way, I want to say faith hasn’t been tested in those circles like those in my life who have been cheated on, children addicted to drugs, financial strain, faithless outlooks. The walk in a sense, has not been bouquets of flowers, Polaroid snapshots, and walks in wheat fields. Does that sound harsh? I’m just trying to paint an image.
In my world, I have to pray and be present with my Lord so that those rosy escapades I do know about, because God’s grace has shown me this over and over, can be seen in my witness with those who are still living among the thorns and thistles. That one day a simple witness from me will encourage another to see Our Lord wants them to also receive a fragrant bouquet from their trials and offer it up to His glory.
Thank you Lord for the remorse I experienced, to change it into virtue. To be given strength by the Holy Spirit and truly desire to stay away from failing to witness.+++
4 thoughts on “Can I get a witness?!”
This is probably one of my biggest struggles. It is especially difficult in the workplace, because with my job leading the Public Relations office at City Hall, we many times have residents who would like to share their vision of what they would like local government to be doing. Some of their ideas are wonderful, and some of them would be very hard to implement without time and resources ($). We have many residents that I know by name because they have been regular contributors to the conversation. It’s easy for me to judge them and what they have to say. Likewise, because of where I work, I have to really “mind myself” on any kind of witness to the faith. And yet just a few days ago, the City Council promoted a Proclamation declaring the second week of June every year as “Annual LGBTQ Plus” week. I find it very confusing that some people are able to promote their personal agenda, and that is embraced under the header of diversity and inclusion, and yet if I utter the word Jesus Christ inside City Hall, I get hushed. So, not really sure about that reference to those who walk in wheat fields (maybe with my WordPress handle, I am super sensitive but was that about me? if so, I am sorry if I am coming across that way!) but this is a true struggle no matter who you are, I think. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the topic!
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No no reference to you at all!! First thank you for your comment. Always!! This has to do with the balance of my faith in an environment that causes almost daily battles with people who are not in the same faith as me. So I wonder, those that portray themselves in the wheat fields, are they dealing with walks of life like I am/others are that would cause their faith to be stirred? For me, it’s just not sugar coated. I don’t have a faith where everyday is a picture perfect moment. To me, that is not reality. So is it fair to say, challenges really make your faith stronger?
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I think if you are fighting the good fight for the faith daily, you’re on the right path – whether that takes you through a wheat field or down a dark alley. I think, too, that some people might portray they have a picture-perfect life on IG or Facebook, for example, but deep down, they are insecure, or, maybe just lacking any conviction to really stand up for what they believe in. Challenges DO make your faith stronger, for sure. “Take up your cross and follow me” isn’t for lightweights. I admire all that you are doing to drive your spiritual journey forward, my friend!!
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Likewise!! You’re so right! I need to stop the battle of one’s life of faith being so easy and sugar coated. You never know. That’s for sure!! Thanks always for your comments!!
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