Life is odd these days. In another level. Our world is on hold hoping that we are not coming to World War.
Over a week ago, Israel and Palestine have entered war within their borders after an attack during this time on Israel. Without going through all the particulars of who started it and number of deaths involved, I just want to focus on the now of how I’m reacting to it.
Rewind to the days leading up to this assault, I was diligently tackling home projects living a new found appreciation for home life and house wife. Projects I’ve been wanting to get to, but haven’t been able. And with my niece preparing for her fourth brain surgery, I knew the time was now to start so that I could go down to Tucson and be with her these next months. It was revitalizing me to see how much I could push myself and feel great accomplishment on things I’ve never tried before. My husband took notice and also started to feel proud in treating his home with more respect. We felt gun ho in our new DIY hats.
But then the news came about on the attacks in Israel and life has jolted once again into the unpredictable. What is to come? What and how do we prepare? What do I focus on?
I wake up thinking I’ll just go at my day to day as normal, but soon into it I find myself praying. Praying all day. Praying and talking with Our Lord more often then I had been and I speak to Him often, but praying for people I don’t know. Praying for the innocent. Victims. Hostages. Praying for nations and conversion.
In 2020, we were hit with Covid and everything paused. We saw many things that we never thought we would see including the death toll around the world. Life presented itself in a fragile way, thanks be to God, made many take notice if hadn’t before. We reprioritized our lives because we were forced to. Not having luxuries be accessible. Kept homebound. And with God’s grace allowed for us to come out of it, not completely unscathed due to losing family to covid, but recognizing the magnitude of what we got through with His help.
An event that should’ve changed our lives for the better…in faith.
In step with this new way of living, my niece is diagnosed with a brain tumor. Therefore, our focus was engaged with her survival. Life then took its own speed even at this time, as she is now preparing for her fourth brain surgery to remove two more tumors (total of 6 tumors).
To say all is surreal is an understatement.
Surreal that we face this obstacle with my niece and now the unknown of what the world may come to from man-made destruction.
I have to admit since this has escalated, I have had a somber spirit. Trying not to, but finding it hard to not let it be heard in my voice. I wonder of that because I know what I’m feeling is compassion and the impact of human suffering that only can come from the Holy Spirit. I can’t fake joy. I can’t fake how I feel. But through prayer, being guided to not get caught up in it where I’m paralyzed in not going to God with it. I’m learning once again in a way that I didn’t before. Not in the same way I learned from my own trials or trials from others in my life, but this time for the sake of the world, salvation.
Most of my time in prayer has been narrowed to my family and friends. Normal for most. The speed of days and the great blessing of a large family has me centered that way. Being particular observant of my immediate family and how and when I’m called for prayer. I’m there! Done! I know Our Lord has equipped me where I am today to be that prayer force for them. My call, my duty.
As these recent days play out, I find myself praying with a different attention. I am going about my day and more frequently throughout scripture pops in my head. Verses that remind my soul of what to pay attention to and to share with others. I had just shared with my sister right before this all started, how I felt the closeness of the kingdom of heaven, here, right now in a physical way I can’t say I knew before. I always feel Our Lord’s presence when I receive Him in the Eucharist, but now I feel it physically around me. A sense always there.
The uncertainty in these days play with my anxiety. How can it not and know many are affected also. It comes from my crutch need of control. A piece of me ingrained since I was a child. That at this time at age 52, I’m still learning to surrender. St. Paul talked about a thorn left by God to poke at his side as a reminder of God’s sufficient grace 2 Cor 12:5-10. Whether it’s me or a thorn, I know I turn to God.
I was at the Chapel yesterday as the Bishop of Jerusalem asked for a day of Prayer and Penance. As I was nearing the end of my time in front of the Blessed Sacrament, the word endurance came to me. In all my bodily responses to the news of my niece and news of possible war, the word endurance presented itself to me to posture up, get reminded, and stay in prayer. Endure with my brothers and sisters as we all move forward in the days ahead. Be guarded. Be Light that shines before others. Showing the way to the Cross, to Our Lord, to heaven. Do good. Do God’s will. Remind others of His promises. Be faithful. Keep your eyes gazed on Him. And pray. Pray. Pray.